Seriously?

Okay, so that last post was so happy and upbeat. This one won't start out that way. And it's kinda long. Sorry.

Yesterday was another one of those days where I really questioned why I am allowed to be a mother.

*The kids fought with each other all day. No distraction worked. Separation just made them mad at me. I was frustrated all day!

*I put Ryan and Sarah down for naps, the girls in front of a movie, and decided it was the perfect time to take a shower (I had mowed the lawn earlier). Well, I get out of the shower and hear a terrible story from Ellie. Steve got even better details later as I will explain: Katie apparently didn't hear me tell her I was going up to shower. So, she went looking for me and couldn't find me. She proceeded to go OUTSIDE looking for me. I guess she was crying like crazy and our neighbor across the street noticed her and came to the rescue. She asked Katie if I was home. Katie says "no!" So she came and knocked on the door, which Ellie answered. And Ellie told her I wasn't home!! So now the neighbor is quite concerned, obviously. She told Ellie to search the house for me, which she did and heard the shower going, which made her feel a little better. Well, later she came over with her husband and confronted Steve about it. Not me- Steve. Sheesh. I already felt bad about it and now my neighbors (who are kind of nosy and already think I'm a bad mother because they saw me getting frustrated with the girls one day after a HORRIBLE shopping trip.) think I'm irresponsible. How many times have I told the girls to never go outside without me? Oh, about a zillion. Anyway... lovely.

*I experimented this past weekend with soy formula to see how Ryan would do. I was pumping a little bit to keep up just in case. Well, he was doing so much better and I wondered if maybe it was teeth and it was just coincidence. So yesterday I tried nursing him and he refused. Maybe because my milk wasn't coming in and maybe he likes the bottle better? Either way I felt like a miserable failure.

So after we got everyone to bed I went shopping... hehe. I strolled around Kohl's for about an hour and found some great deals for me as well as some nice clearance items for Ryan. He's such a big boy that he's wearing 12 month clothes and I certainly never thought he'd wear that at 6 months old, so I get to buy new clothes for him. I'm suffering :-D Then I did my grocery shopping at a nice, leisurely pace. Steve got worried when I didn't come home until almost 10pm. But it was nice to get out and escape the house and the stress that had built up all day.

AND... there's great news!!!
Ryan is doing awesome. He slept 6 hours straight last night, his skin has almost completely cleared up and I can eat whatever I want now!!! I am savoring all the flavors of life that I've missed out on the last 6 months. Wonderful things like chocolate and strawberries... aaaahhhhh.... Oh- and I tried on my "skinny" pants this morning and they fit! So I guess things aren't so bad after all.